1930: Not much of a moon out tonight. Last night was super. Even thought it was a half moon(what's the real term for that?) it shone like a huge tube light from the sky. I probably could have read in that light. I went out and climbed a small hillock in the (moon+star)light. Will try again tonight. Should be easier since I know the place better. It is a very pretty night again anyway. There's obviously no pollution and smoke up here, so I can see many more stars than I can from the city. Reminds me of the Rampur trip that Dhaval, Abhi, Neeru and I did back in college.
The air doesn't seem very different though. Maybe my lungs don't exist anymore with all the traffic fumes I (used to) inhale everyday on the way to (ex-)work. Maybe its because the air is lighter(I can feel that) so the oxygen level probably is the same. Wild guess though.
Very often, I find that I have nothing to do, and I end up loving those moments by doing something absolutely pointless. But sometimes I actually have NOTHING to do, not even anything pointless. So I find myself thinking about things, about life, about the past, the millions of wrong decisions I've taken, the handful of right decisions.
It's at moments like these when I try my best to go to sleep and rid my head of evil philosophical thoughts. And when that is not possible, I try and go mad for a while : play "interview" with plants and pee on them at the end of the interview. Or pretend I'm a dog and pee on more plants.
(I just realized I might actually be mentally retarded)
And then as soon as I find something completely pointless to do, I turn from mad me to the real me(which is a bit of a disappointment) and engage in useless talk with friends, or play AoC online or pay for terribly expensive movie tickets only to sleep through the best parts. Or go to office.(No more pointless office! haha!)
Well there was a point to that digression. Unfortunately, it seems to have slipped my mind.
I think I'll go bug the canteen guys to serve dinner early tonight.
2140: Had dinner. Same stuff as last night and this afternoon. I'm guessing they aren't used to people staying for more than a day.
Went back up my private little hillock. Listened to "comfortably numb". I don't think I've ever thought about the lyrics before. But this struck me tonight : I'll never be comfortably numb. That is for people who are chained to their lives, their jobs, their relations. Waters sings about "the child is gone, the dream is gone" Again, for people who don't make the effort to follow what they want.
It's sad that people are like that. Children are so much smarter. They know what is fun, and they do it, unafraid of the consequences. And that's how I'm going to live. Call me immature, but I'm the one having fun while other people sit around in their comfy chairs(Hail Python!) and judge and criticize before going back to boring work.
Also listened to "High Hopes". Apart from a few lines, wtf are the lyrics supposed to mean? I'm sure they wouldn't make sense if you heard them awake, asleep, stoned, drunk, high, dead.
The slide guitar is stunning though. And I love the last "Forever and ever" line. Even though it fits nowhere and has nothing to do with anything.
Oh, I saw a shooting star. And I had nothing to wish for. It was funny. I actually laughed at that for a while. I'm content. I could wish for loads of money, or the ability to play the guitar like buckethead or Dickey Betts. But I just didn't feel like it. I forgot about the fact that it's pretty stupid to think about wishing for things that aren't going to come true anyway, and I still couldn't think of anything to wish for. It's funny how you can realize how happy you are by wishing for nothing.
Oh, and then I was thinking about people who say "If you are satisfied, you have no desire, no goal, no drive, no ambition." What crap.
If you are satisfied, you are satisfied. You can't attach anything to satisfaction.
It's a wonderful feeling, though, to be content.
There ought to be a ...what's it called...a phrase? Anyway, something like : "Look at a shooting star and just smile".
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