No! Not like everyone else!

No! No! No!
I'm sorry about the previous post. It's troubling you know, being a schizophrenic. The good me doesn't know what evil me is up to.
Apparently two days ago he was on this very blog writing terribly depressing philosophical posts and doing what he calls "rabble rousing". That lousy bastard!!

Okay, I'm a little embarrassed about that post. The thing is I have a great job but with all the grass is greener on the other side shit that happens to all of us, I sometimes think there's better things to be done. But for now, fuck it.

When I started writing on this blog, I thought I'd write random, punny, hopefully humorous posts. And would stay away from deep, philosophical, insightful posts like I've seen on so many blogs, because quite frankly, they're a waste of time. Everyone thinks. Thinking is bad for you. Why make other people think too?

Anyway, to make up for any mental harassment and/or strain on your poor peas, I shall soon post some super secret poems from...yes, Me!. Not now me though. A long long time ago me. Back from the school days me. Was rummaging through my cupboard looking for some clean clothes when I came across this little book in which I wrote all sorts of crap essays and poems.
Hopefully you'll laugh (with or at, doesn't matter really) and I'll feel so much better.

Just like everyone else.

Dammit! One of these philosophical moods again.
I just feel like I have so much to say, but I don't think I have the words to.
Okay, let me just jump into it and see where it goes.

I'm sick and tired of seeing people around me living their mundane lives and complaining about them all the time. It's painful. Yes, I know I'm doing the same. We all are.

You sit in class and think about all the wonderful things you could be doing with your time.
You sit at office and work and work and when a tiny sliver of free time comes your way, you start thinking. You think of how crappy your life is, how sad you are, living like this.

There's so many things you could be doing. It's mind-boggling, the number of things, the number of experiences out there waiting for you.
But you just sit and live the same day over and over and over and you just get sicker and sicker and you don't know what you're thinking sometimes. Five days a week are all the same, you do the same things, your work, your books, your studies. You think the same thoughts, you speak to the same people about the same things. Your opinions don't change. Each day for a span of a few years is almost the same.
And you live your life not realising how long it's been happening, not knowing how much longer it's going to be happening to you. Then some day you'll find you have so many new responsibilities and now you start counting from the year of your birth to know how old you are. You find you can't do it any more. Your youth is past. All those dreams, all unfulfilled. All those places you wanted to see. All the travelling, all the games, all the love you might have experienced. It's all over and there's no way you're going to get the time back. The time you could've used to do what you wanted.
There'll be a point sometime when you realise that over the past many years, you've never accomplished anything you wanted to. Never done anything you had dreamt of doing.

People don't think of all the possibilities there are. There's this and there's that you can do, and you won't even think about the other things. You just keep doing things everyday, hoping that eventually someday you'll find the time and the money and energy and the lack of responsibilities to actually do what you want to.

I've no clue what's going to happen to me. I hope I break out and do something. But will I?
There's that fear you know...that fear of screwing things up. Losing your job, Having nothing to do, Having no one to love, Losing your money, your home, your comfort. You hold back from the fear of doing things society doesn't want you to do. From the responsibilities thrust upon you by family, friends, society.
Push back. Break away. Do your thing. Don't care, don't worry and see how it goes.

What I want to do with my life : A Retrospective.

10 Year old me :
I want to fly planes. I'm going to join the AirForce when I grow up! I'll soar high up in the vast blue sky like an eagle. Alone, all alone, in my beautiful mig-21, leaving behind me a white steak of jet vapour cutting across the sunset that school kids will see. And they will all wish they could be up here someday, living the life of a hero.
Miles below me I see fields of gold and beautiful blue lakes that look like little droplets of dew early in the morning, sunbeams shining off the surface. Far below my wings live thousands of people. Normal people, living their normal lives, living each day as it comes, not knowing the exuberance of flight. Not knowing the power that comes with every moment you spend in the air. Not knowing that I have, attached to the underside of my wings, missiles capable of razing their entire normal town with all their normal lives to dust! Fire one, Fire two. Die! Die! Haha! Now they know my power! Never will they forget me! I am the scourge of all evil. You fight against my beloved country, you die, Punks!
Ah, the power that comes with flying! Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. I am going to fly jets for the AirForce!

12 Year old me :
How do you become an astronaut?

Early High School me :
I don't care what I do with my life, I just want to own a BMW.
(Looking back, this was probably when my brain peaked. I was really smart back then. After that it's all just gone downhill)

End of High School me :
Okay, what the fuck is going on? I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

Early Days of College me :
Seriously, what the fuck!?

College me (2) aka Doe-eyed me - Ah, when we were young. And stupid (also spelt Idealist.) :
I'm going to do something good. The world is fucked up and someone has to do something about it. I don't know how, but it doesn't matter. I'm smart, I'm young, I've got time on my side and I will figure something out. I know I will.

College me (3) - ah, when we were young. And stupid. And a little greedy. :
How will I change the world if I have nothing to do it with?
I'm going to need money, power and a fancy car. There's no way I can do anything without a fancy car. So this is the plan. I land a big job with a big fat salary, I become rich and powerful and then I'll save the world. The world is fucked up and someone has to do something about it. I now know how I'm going to go about it, and that's good.

College me (4) - The reality seeps through :
People are disgusting. Just look at all the news. People don't deserve good things. Just look at all the shit that is happening. There's no way I can change all that. I...I'm not sure. I don't know. Lets see. I really hope I can do something.

College me (5) - And then the doubt comes creeping in:
I've been so stupid. How is it going to matter what I do? I'm just one person. And even if I do manage to do some good, what then? Who cares? I need to grow up. It's too early to think of things like this. I'll know what I want to do with my life when I'm older and more mature.

College me (6) aka Cynical me :
Screw everyone else. All these bloody do-gooders are just fakers looking to make a quick buck. Goddamn manipulative bastards. I'm going to do what's good for me. Fuck the world. I don't care anymore.

College me (7) aka Pessimistic me :
It doesn't matter. It's not like I have a choice anyway. What's going to happen will happen and it's probably going to be crap. Sigh.

College me (8) aka The Real me (or so I thought) :
Everything sucks! I don't care about the world. I'm going to travel. I'm going to hitchhike across the country. I'll work my way through life. I'm going to visit all the places I can and I'm going to live there for as long as I can. I'll travel. I'll work as a waiter in the cities, I'll manage some labour in the towns, and I'll write letters or teach or something in the villages. I'm going to experience life the way nobody does. None of this damn sit at an office for 8 hours crap for me. No way. That's not what I want. I'm not going to settle down. I'll jump into random streams, I'll climb random hills and I'll talk to random trees.
This is what I want to do with my life. I'm finally sure. I'm going to be a homeless, penniless, rambling bum.

End of College me : Ah fuck everything! I just want to fly planes! I'm going to join the Airforce!

Present me : I think I'm going to go get some pizza. And a really thick vanilla milkshake with loads of chocolate chips. Yes. That's what I'm going to do. Want to come? Your treat. (or mine. Either way. Whatever.)