Four O' Clock News - Silent Night

Hello and Welcome to the 4 O' clock news.
I'm your host BigDaddy Wantsyou.

Lets jump straight into today's big story.
A group of terrorists, led by a large orange chicken, managed to infiltrate the Prime Ministers residence early this morning. The terrorists are holding the Prime Minister and his family hostage.
The police are evaluating the hostage situation, and it seems that there have been no demands by the terrorists so far.
Lets go right over to our correspondent Little Miss Sunshine who is at the scene right now.
Little Miss Sunshine, could you tell us how this started.

Yes Bigdaddy, what's been happening is like this huge orange chicken and some other disgusting monsters who are like really, really big, they just jumped the wall without even telling anyone yaa, and now they like totally have the Prime Minister as their hostage. It's all like so horrible yaa, I could just cry.

Aw, Little Miss Sunshine, don't cry now. You'll ruin your make up.
Anyway, do the police have any ideas as to who these evil terrorists are, and what they might want?

Oh yeah, so I've spoken to the main police dude, and he's like he knows about them but he won't tell me because he hates the news people. He's like so mean yaa. I don't know why these men think they're so important. I hate them. Anyways, I like flirted with him a little and he told me off-record that he thinks the giant orange chicken is from the PETA, who are the brains behind this sick operation.

Hmm, so do the police have a plan of action? I've heard they've called in the NSG and KFC to help take care of this mess.

Yeah, well KFC was obviously contacted first, coz they're like the only people who can scare PETA. And after the NSG's amazing display of skills last year, guess the police had to call them too. Not sure yaa.
Oh My God, there's my friend from school. He doesn't know what a cool job I have yaa. I like have to have to tell him right now yaa. I'll talk to you later okay?

Oh, yes. Thanks for the update, Little Miss...

Yeah, no probs yaa. Have fun.

Well, that was our correspondent Little Miss Sunshine, from the capital.

Ah, we've just received some information from the police.
Apparently there are seven terrorists, the leader being the giant orange chicken.
With him are two pomeranians, one obese cow, one dirty slimy dog, a certain Ms. Pratibha Patil and a certain Mr. Pramod Muthalik.
They are armed to the teeth (dentures in the case of Ms. Patil) with an assortment of Rifles, RPG's, and carving knives.
Oh, I'm sorry, that's only six terrorists, "dirty slimy dog" was used to describe Mr. Pramod Muthalik. My apologies for that mistake.

The police say the terrorists have now released a long list of demands.
They say they will cut one hair from the Prime Minister's head every hour, starting 9 Pm tonight if these demands are not met.
The Bastards! How ruthless can they get?

Here are some of their demands :

- Destroy KFC branches all over the country and put up giant Angelina Jolie statues in their place.
- Pomeranians should be awarded dog status. "We're sick of having to put up with stupid white rat jokes all the time. We're dogs too, just like every other dog. Just because we're small and stupid and yip a lot doesn't mean we aren't."
(There's a lot more of that, three entire pages of yips and similar complaints. Goddamn white rats.)
- Cows want their "Holy" status back. Nowadays, they're just being treated like dirt by everyone. "Weren't the roads made for us to walk and shit on? All the motorists hate us. It's so sad. Us cows don't feel holy anymore!"
- Ms. Patil demands a private jet, just like the American President. She wants it called HairForce granny. She also demands more security and a free treatment pass at a leading skin clinic.
- Mr. Muthalik demands that Feb 14th be done away with. (who the hell is this guy?)
He too asks for free treatment passes from VLCC and other leading skin clinics. He says he just doesn't understand why girls have been ignoring him for 60 years now.

We'll now go over to our anti-terrorism desk, where experts M.S Dhoni and Sania Mirza are waiting for us.

Ah, before that. Here is more breaking news.
Apparently a fight has broken out in the PM's residence.
It seems Mr. Muthalik beat up the two pomeranians because they shared a glass of water, and Ms. Pratibha Patil slapped him when he asked her out. The Obese cow sat on the giant orange chicken by mistake, and the KFC commandos have entered the complex and arrested both the chicken and the cow. Ms. Pratibha Patil has been arrested in a complex and daring manoeuvre by the NSG.
All ends well and our great nation is safe again, thanks to prompt action by the men of the moment, the KFC commandos.

In other news, India won Gold, Silver and Bronze at the pelvic thrust event at the olympics today, in a stunning display of excellence by our young sportstars.
More details on that and other sporting action, right after this short commercial break.

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Commercial :
KFC says "Thank you India, for three years of patronage." This weekend, visit your nearest KFC outlet for Chicken Surprise at half the price! It's chicken and it's delicious! Life tastes better with KFC and don't you forget that!

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for S&V.
You'll forever be my Little Miss Sunshine(s)! <3