Thursday 4 June 2009

Been there, Dead now, What next?

It's always been everyone's second favourite question, you know. Right after 'Why do I exist'.
I feel sorry for it sometimes, but really, it's got to understand. It's the last thing people should want to think about. I'm surprised it's so often asked.
So what does happens when you die? Everyone's thought about it. I used to, when I was younger. Had a whole lot of theories too. I never really thought about heaven and hell. I hadn't even heard of the concept until I started reading books.
Indian society is pretty cool that way. Children aren't frightened into being good. Imagine putting the fear of hell in a child. Tell them that if they're bad they'll go to hell when they die.
Hell - a terrible, hot, lawless land where you're pushed around and tortured for no reason at all.
That would never work on us Indian kids. We'd just turn around and say 'Hey, that sounds like here and now'.

Anyway, the various theories...

There was the 'Parallel Universe Theory' (I'd say multiverse, but then I'd go on a crazy DC comics buying spree again) where you are the centre of your universe and nothing bad can ever happen to you.
Then the 'Dream Theory', where as soon as you die, you wake up from this intricate dream which slips away within the next two minutes while you struggle to hold on to it.
And then the slightly nihilistic belief that everything just stops when you die.
Heaven..? Well, heaven always seemed like a really funny concept. You reward a few people with fuzzy white clouds and hovering angels dressed up in long, sexless white robes and playing tiny golden harps for eternity? I'd hate that. I need action. Give me electric guitars with the distortion cranked up, give me my black clothes and surround me with women of loose morals and low alcohol tolerances.

Oh well, here's to the old man across the street who shot at me with an air gun last year because he was drunk till next sunday thought I was a terrorist taking my terrorist dog for a walk.
Here's to that wonderfully mental maths teacher from school who taught us virtually nothing that nothing comes easy. Not even nothing.
Here's hoping you had a good time when you were around and so did the people around you.

Here's hoping there isn't an afterlife.

4 comments:

Deepali Jamwal said...

lol... I love the part where Hell is not a new place to Indian kids... hehehe

Srikanth said...

Getting shot at was something.. May be you should get him drunk again.. You'll get all the action you wish for.. I remember you told me about it..

Why don't try on weekends.. You always say your bored as hell!! :P

Good post..

hydeous said...

He's dead, kanth. Heart attack.
I'll miss being shot at.

tsp said...

I like George Carlin's Frisbeetarianism: When you die, your "soul" gets stuck at the ceiling and stays there.

Heaven is such a boring idea. Whoever came up with it could have at least spiced it up a little. Hell, on the other hand seems a wicked (in the good sense of the word) place to be in. Nothing like a place with women of loose morals. Heavenly!