It's time for our weekly class on religious beliefs.
Today, we learn about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so slurp up!
The Flying Spaghetti Monster(FSM) is the God worshipped by followers of Pastafarianism.
Pastafarianism is only the second edible religion in the history of the world, after the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns. Unfortunately for the once Holy and Revered (and rather tasty) Invisible Pink Unicorns, they could deliver baby Invisible Pink Unicorns only once every 200 years. They ceased to exist in Twenty six years.
Invisible Pink Unicorn Adam and Invisible Pink Unicorn Eve were eaten even before their second date at the swanky new bistro at The garden of Eden ("Genesis" Ph: 655-8938. (Ask for Moses.) You'll want to make reservations at least 200 years in advance, so make good use of the time travel device that'll be available on this website last year.)
Human shaped beasts inadvertently consuming the last of the Invisible Pink Unicorns at The Garden of EdenComing back to FSM and Pastafarianism,
The FSM is the true creator and overseer of the entire universe (except for that tiny little village in ancient Gaul where a little man and a fat man fight over a dead pig)
The FSM, like all great Gods, does not curse you or banish you from FSM heaven(described later) for following other religions. Instead, He asks you, politely, to "Get your head screwed on straight, you damn moron!"
The FSM is a kind hearted God, and you need not beg for forgiveness for all your sins(and you will sin, yes!). When you die(yes, you will die. Everybody dies. Now won't you shut up and listen!), you will find yourself in FSM heaven. It doesn't matter how much you sin during your lifetime. He will understand!
Pastafarianism heaven consists of beautiful islands, populated with gorgeous girls (or guys, depending on which way you sway), a beer volcano, a stripper factory and infinite helpings of Pasta(with sauce of your choice and veggie-balls if you aren't too fond of meat.)
Oh, and pirates! Scores of pirates! Arrrr!
Now Children, repeat after me :
hallowed be thy Taste,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily dose of love,
sex, food, weed, liquor and porn.
And forgive us our gluttony
as we forgive those
who steal our food from us.
And lead us not into danger and ugly blind dates
but deliver us from STD's and suchlike.
For thine is the pasta,
and the sauce, and the meatballs(or veggie-balls),
for ever and ever.
RAmen.
In Pasta we Trust!
